Tears of the Rain
by teinousha
Summary: Koshino was contented being secretly in love with his best friend until Rukawa came along. Now, its his choice if he should just give up, or fight for his bestfriend, but is he going to fight a loosing battle? Comes in two parts. (Note: Ready the Tissues!
1. Troubled Heart

Tears of the Rain  
  
By Teinousha  
  
Author's Notes: Ms. Shinri Ayase had been kind enough to give me the idea to write something angsty, more or less delving deep into the heart of the character. I was only trying to write funny/comedy fics before, now I have tried testing my limitations, and embark on a journey of self-discovery. Hehe. Actually, I just wrote this to be dedicated to Ms. Shinri Ayase-chan. Arigato!  
  
BWT, I am sorry to say that I have this 'issue' with Rukawa right now; I'll try not making him look like a very hate-able person in this fic... Anyways, please just enjoy. This is supposed to be one long one-shot. It was too long for my own liking, so I cut it into two parts. The second parts' a poem fic. Enjoy minna-san!  


====

PART ONE: Troubled Heart  
  
It was one of those days that Koshino had wished he had not gotten up and had stayed on bed instead, to sulk. It was a rather gloomy day, and the clouds darken by the minute, seeming to sympathize with his mood. It threatened of rain, and in his case, he was on the verge of tears, were it not for the fact that he knows how to control the urge, and that he was in public... Also, the reason for his miserable state was standing right in front of him, looking all bright like the sun itself. He'd be damned if he showed something short of being greatly affected like the way his heart seem to shatter to a million pieces, for every passing minute that they are together.  
  
Outside the Ryonan High School building, small platters of rain begin to fall from the dark, gloomy sky. Ironically though, it was warm and sickeningly cheerful inside the building. It's amazing to note how a radiant glow emanating from one ecstatic person can bring others to cheer up around him. It manages to take away every little depression one might be stupid enough to harbor, and infect people to spread the cheerfulness that a heart-in-love may feel... or in this case, heart-in-lust!  
  
Of course, not all are affected positively by such cheer. Some remains to be stubborn as hell, and remote from the normal effects of being contaminated by the absurdity of love. Such people are those that have a serious need of attention, or those that's been having the worst day of his life. Koshino was one of those people, and with reason, too...  
  
The reason? His best friend Sendoh Akira had been pestering him all day, by being all sickeningly dreamy and obviously in love. The grin in the ace's face was enough to make you conclude that he either had just had a most wonderful time the day before, or he's had the best lay of his life.  
  
But, either of which, Sendoh's high spirits was getting to his nerves. It didn't help that he was not the romantic sort, and the fact that Sendoh was excitedly relating to him word for word everything that had happened on the ace's latest date, he was more or less about to strangle the spiky haired guy.  
  
The thing is, he could care less what Sendoh did on one of his dates with whoever-it-is he was dating. Er... actually, he cared, but for a totally different reason... He had never looked forward on those days when Sendoh would find it a necessity for him to hear about his love life. In fact, instead of being happy for his best friend, Koshino gets upset with those kind of news...   
  
The thing is...   
  
Whoever it is Sendoh's dating, is an extremely lucky bitch or bastard, which for Koshino's opinion should die a bloody, painful death as soon as possible. That, and many more vicious and disgusting means of death, which should more or less be painful.   
  
Yeah, you got it!  
  
Koshino likes his best friend. A Lot!   
  
And, it is infuriating to hear from the one you love so much, romantic things, which aren't meant for you, or at least not about you. It is also infuriating that you are bloody right in front of his face, but he still can't notice you for what you are, and is insensitive enough not to know how deep a love it is you are harboring for him.   
  
That is how Koshino feels every time.   
  
The good thing is, Sendoh barely goes on a serious relationship and rarely goes on a second date with any one. That keeps those miserable ambitious freaks out of his hair for sometime. That is, before Sendoh replaces them for another and he find himself another rival for his best friend's attention.  
  
But the bottom line is, Sendoh was never serious about them! And that is as good a sign that he still has a chance... presuming that he'd have the guts to confess, though. But considering the way his pride kept him from saying as much, the probability of him saying something about it, is the moment Sendoh becomes a loyal, faithful lover... which is practically so far from happening.   
  
At least Koshino thought so...   
  
But, just to spite him, that day just had to come...   
  
And the thing is... he may just have lost his chance for good...   
  
The day started good enough for Koshino. He woke up late at quarter to eight, but still managed to come to school in time for their first class at eight ten. Sendoh had been late, as can be expected, but suspiciously enough, since his best friend's house was nearer to the school than Koshino's home, and that Sendoh has a car, and had just acquired a license on his last birthday.   
  
Besides, it was Monday! Sendoh always makes it a point of going to school early every start of the week, presumably to blab about his latest date on the past Saturday---which may be why Koshino seemed to hate Saturdays among all other days of the week, and that is saying much, since he hated every day of the calendar, especially Mondays (that is, next to Saturday, of course.) Mondays are always for him, a long, seemingly endless day, spent wasted in listening to Sendoh's Big Dates...   
  
But that Monday was different. Instead of the constant 'bla-bla-blas', Sendoh was surprisingly silent... and suspiciously too happy... He said so as much to the spike head, once he got the chance to have the man by himself. Sendoh just grinned even wider.   
  
"Hey, whazzup? Anything good come up?" He asked, for once curious to know about how his friend had spent his weekend.   
  
"Yah. You can say so." Sendoh's dreamy look was enough to cause for Koshino's heart to beat faster.   
  
He gulped. "Er... what happened?"   
  
Sendoh regarded him excitedly, grinning from ear to ear, that he was afraid that it'd snap in half. "I met him..."   
  
That was clearly unexpected. Koshino was expecting something more on the line of... 'I had the best kiss ever' or 'we did a quick...censored... and I get to kiss him... and.... censored...' or something as disgustingly expected of his friend. Not that he know of what the Ryonan ace had been up to... It just struck him, as that is how Sendoh spends his time on a date.   
  
Furrowing his brows, he asked. "-M-met...who?"   
  
A dreamy sigh... "Kaede-chan"   
  
Koshino instantly paled.   
  
Kaede-chan?!! As in, Rukawa Kaede-chan?!! Of all people in the world--- not him!   
  
Sendoh had been pinning for the ice prince for months. The moment something developed between the two, Koshino's hopes and chances may just as well go down the drain... Sendoh may actually be serious about the Shohoku ace this time!   
  
"Er... K-Kaede-chan?" he asked, his heart pounding hard on his chest, waiting for the cue before it shatter to a million-gazillion pieces.   
  
Sendoh nodded absent-mindedly, his mind wandering off in LaLa land, where Kaede-chan seems to be.   
  
"Er... D-did you do something? W-what did you tell him?" Thump. Thump. Thump.   
  
"I asked him out for a date" Sendoh replied, excitedly. That seemed to be the cue; Koshino's heart had officially died and exploded to oblivion... "He said he was gonna think about it..." Koshino's heart suddenly revived itself, and started beating again out of hope. "...But he called me yesterday, and told me he accepted my offer, and our date's set this coming Saturday!!!" The hopeful heart withered and died...again.   
  
And almost like a dam exploding, Sendoh began talking on and on about how he met Rukawa, what color of shirt the raven headed man wore that day, exactly what the monosyllabic man had told him in all their bloody monosyllabic way, and the likes, which never seemed to end. Sendoh seemed to have noted everything about the man, his little speech actually lasted them the whole afternoon. So much for school... But that wasn't even the point anymore... not with Rukawa ruining everything for him!!!   
  
Koshino felt all his energy drain from him. Unable to stand the sudden emotions raging inside of him, he run off, leaving a very concerned and confused Sendoh, literally eating dust, as he disappeared from sight.   


====  


The rain splattered comfortingly at a drenched figure, unmoving in the middle of rain-washed, moist ground. In front of the drenched figure is a cluster of beds of sapphire-glistening flowers, with a flush of dew on each and every of their petal tips. The flowers looked... beautiful--- practically the only thing that's looking colorful, in a gloomy day such as that one.   
  
The drenched figured sighed.   
  
How could flowers look so happy in weather like this? The figure thought, deftly pushing the wet stray locks that came to fall on his face. Having the messy bangs cleared off a bit, one can make out the beautiful face of Koshino Hiroaki, his eyes slightly puffy from crying--- his tears merged with the rain, as it came to fall on the ground.   
  
Koshino had come to that place almost every other time he feels troubled and miserable. And that day was the worst. He felt like he wanted to die or do something as productive. It struck him how fucked up he had been... But, like every other time, just the sight of the beautiful flowers seemed enough to comfort him. It struck him how something as small as floras can coax him to cheer, when he is experiencing the worst day of his life and how something can be so happy, when everywhere else around it is gloomy?   
  
For the umpteenth time that day, Koshino sighed. He was glad he had come to that place. At least, it helped him to calm down to think things over. It gave him a fresh surge of hope... that it's still not too late, and that he can still do something.   
  
But, exactly what can he do?   
  
Between him and Rukawa, Sendoh would probably choose the latter. As a matter of fact, Sendoh had always had his eyes on the monosyllabic man that he had the sinking feeling that his best friend had already come to obsess on the Shohoku ace. He sighed yet again.   
  
The thing is... If Sendoh was willing to be that desperate for the ice prince, what chance does he have, when all the affection he can coax from the guy was just the usual friendly stuffs--- like hugs... and cuddles... and...waitasecond   
  
Okay, that just sounded somewhat with potential. All the hugs and the hentai flirting Sendoh had directed at him--- it may actually show in one way or another that the man had some feelings for him at the least.   
  
Okay... That was encouraging! At least he's found some winning points in his case. Coz, the fact remains that he had so no chance against the incredibly gorgeous, and incredibly skilled-in-basketball ace. The thing is... he was nothing but a normal guy with so-so looks, and so-so skill in basketball. Between him and Rukawa, Sendoh's going to be much better off with the rookie. Besides, Rukawa's filthy rich, while he's just... not-too-rich-not- too-poor, just like everyone else, rich.   
  
Sigh Stupid him! He had to think of all those depressing thoughts, and now his mood is totally ruined. It struck him how much he had no chance of winning against a dreamboat like Rukawa. It makes him look like nothing but one of those miserable ambitious freaks Sendoh had been dating... only, he had never even dated Sendoh before!   
  
That brought about a scowl in his so-so handsome face. Doesn't he have any characteristic worth noting here? Sure, he had been friends with Sendoh, and he had known of the guy longer than Rukawa had, but...   
  
Suddenly, he froze...   
  
It struck him how wrong he had been dealing with the problem here. For all these time, he'd thought the problem was Rukawa. But, come to think of it... it was his own damn fault why he was suffering right now...   
  
The thing is... for all those time he's been with Sendoh; for all those time he's had his feelings for his best friend, why hadn't he told him about it, at least once? That was mainly the problem... only he was too stupid to realize it.   
  
And now, he may just be too late... He suddenly realized the urgency of his situation. Sendoh would have only until Saturday, before he becomes more or less serious in a relationship. That would mean, he had until that time to find the guts to confess how he really feels...   
  
He doesn't even feel like doing it to steal Sendoh away anymore. He had resigned to the fact that he had wasted all his chances by not confessing sooner. He had all the time in the world before... why did he just let the chance slip by?   
  
And now, he had given his best friend to Rukawa in a silver platter...the most he can do now is to tell his best friend the truth--- the truth which he had eluded like a plague...   
  
He sighed, a bitter smile forming in his lips.   
  
Ironically, he found the necessity to confess when it was all too late... The rational part of him was reasoning out that he was only doing such to relieve himself of the burden, and that Sendoh has the right to know... But, for an unknown reason, one hopeful part of his mind and heart was hoping that something good will come up, and that there'll be a happy ending behind everything...   
  
But that is just a dream... a hopeful dream...   
  
It meant totally nothing...   
  
Silently, he wept yet again, as the rain continued to fall down on him, and the raging emotions inside of him continued to shake him in turmoil...   
  
And only the rain and the lovely flowers held witness to the day he grieved for his heart... 

====

Owari Part 1   
  
Waaaaa! Poor Koshino-kun!   
  
Hehe. So? What do you think? Please review. This is for Ms. Ayase Shinri, Karin-chan and any more of you kind readers who find time reading this for me. Arigato!   
  
The next part's a song fic. I'm halfway through. Hopefully, I can finish it soon.   
  
Please review! 


	2. Silver Lining One: Tuesday

Tears of the Rain 

Teinousha 

Author's Notes: Ohayo! Second part's up! Due to a rather looooooooong paragraph phrasing, I decided to cut this part off into chapters. The chapters are based on the following days after the first part, Troubled Hearts. The Silver Lining series is next. Each chapter for each day. Arigato!

Ms. Shinri-chan, again, this is for you.

BTW, for Ms. Olivia Y's review, I would just like to say that I feel exactly like you do in KoshSen/SenRu love triangles, and rest assured, I am not going to delve much into this pairing… Just read on and enjoy! Arigato!

Guys, thank you for the support on the first chap. Please enjoy!

==============

Part II- The Silver Lining 

Should I? Would I?

T-chan 

Should I tell him, would I have him,

Singing in sweet romance?

Should I ask him, would I have him,

Dancing dear love's cancans?

Should I seek him, would I find him,

With open arms and gay

Should I hold him, would I keep him,

Forever in my arms to stay?

Should I grin, would he smile?

Should I hope for a while?

Should I wish, would he stay?

Would my wish keep him at bay?

Should he ask, would I say no?

Should he gloom, will I let go?

Should I look, would he come back?

Should it be too late, will I live my lack?

Should I let him, would I miss him,

As much as I hope he'd miss me too?

Should I look, would I find him,

Happy in love with someone new

Should I dream, would I somehow,

Hope to forget him too

Should it be fate, would it be too late?

For a love to be for us two

(A stupid poem, perhaps, but it does rhymes, and match the mood of my story. Gomen.)

=========

The next day (Tuesday)… 

Koshino made his way across the school grounds towards the gym for their early morning practice. The crisp, cold air was enough to bring chills to his spine, but for a totally different reason. The reason? Sendoh Akira, Ryonan ace and heartthrob, was standing not 6 feet away, looking for all the world like the ever-cheerful man that he is. 

Koshino sighed. He deeply considered whether it is practical enough to do his plan right then and there, or should he wait for another chance as perfect as that time. It seems, the two of them had been too early for practice, and while Koshino knew it was not intended, he figured that it was as good a sign as he could get. 

Here is his chance...

He took a deep breath, before he found the voice to speak. "Sendoh... can we talk?" His determination can be seen from the way he uttered those words. He looked so... resolved; his very willpower threatening one to disagree at their peril.

Should I tell him, would I have him,

Singing in sweet romance? 

Should I ask him, would I have him,

Dancing dear love's cancans? 

Sendoh blinked at that, but complied. He followed Koshino towards the back of the gym, where the two can presumably get their privacy. There was a flight of stairs situated in the side, surrounded by the lush, green trees (just remember in the TV series). Koshino took his seat on the uppermost step, and waited for the ace to do the same. Sendoh sat down right beside him.

"Yo! So, what's gotten you so high?" Sendoh asked cheerfully, leering at his best friend as if that's the most natural thing to do… Well, it is for him. Koshino was feeling more or less… tense at their nearness. 

"I-I… I-" He gulped. Man, he just lost an entire night's practice speech, just by sitting in close proximity with the ace. He wondered if he would be able to pull the rest through… He cleared his throat to start again. "Uhm, Aki-Sendoh… We've been… uhm," he frantically looked at everywhere else but his friend, deftly looking for some sort of help or assistance. Maybe he should have written his speech in placards and had posted them somewhere in front of him. At least, it seemed reading is easier than trying to make something out, when the speech you've memorized for the entire night yesterday suddenly went down the drain with your conviction. "I mean… You're my best friend and…" 

"Kosh? Daijobou desu ka? You look sick."

"Huh?" Sendoh's question apparently was a much-needed diversion. As much as he forgot his speech, he also forgot what he's been able to make out of the speech, no matter how useless sputtering they were. Apparently, that's as good as speech as he could make when it was required for him to make it from the heart. He sighed. 

"Kosh… you ran off in the rain yesterday. Are you okay? You're actually getting red." Instinctively, Sendoh reached out for Koshino's hands, only to let them go at once. "My God! You're all cold! Daijobou desu ka?"

Blink. 'He cared!' That is enough to bring some sort of celebration inside him. Koshino barely kept the urge to cry, if he hadn't bitten his lip to muffle any sound from being produced. "H-Hai! Daijobou. Daijobou!" 

"You sure?" Sendoh was still looking at him weirdly, but Koshino was too caught up in his own world to notice it. "Well, if you say so. Anyway, what did you want to tell me?"

That apparently got his attention... Koshino froze. Just as suddenly as all his vexations had disappeared, is as soon as they came plummeting back down in his stomach. He clammed up once more… "I… Oh yeah… the-the speech I…" 

Koshino twisted his fingers together, nervously racking his brain for something to start off. He found the words, but apparently, his courage had ran off…

"Kosh?"

"I..I can't do this!" And Koshino quickly stood up, and ran off away from that place, leaving a very confused and concerned Sendoh looking at the path he'd gone to, blinking every once in a while… again!

============

TBC 

Author's Notes:

Sorry if I cut this off. The fic was getting to be rather long. Please enjoy it anyway, and please don't forget to review.

Fic inspired by Ms. Shinri Ayase-chan's review, and dedicated to her. Thanks for your review.

This is also for Karin-chan. Thanks for beta-reading this, and thanks for the comments.

Please review!


	3. Silver Lining Two: Wednesday

**Tears of the Rain**

**Teinousha **

Ohayo! Second part's up! Due to a rather looooooooong paragraph phrasing, I decided to cut this part off into chapters. The chapters are based on the following days after the first part, Troubled Heart The Silver Lining series is next. Each chapter for each day. Arigato!

Ms. Shinri-chan, again, this is for you.

Guys, thank you for the support on the first chap. Please enjoy!

P.S. Regarding a few reviews, I am all-Koshino, and I hate the love triangle business, but I can't really do anything about everything. I am just trying to write a challenge fic here, and this is the best way I know how. Either way, SenKosh rules!!!

=============

**Part II- The Silver Lining **

**The next day (Wednesday)… **

Koshino took a deep breath, as he willed himself to calm down. For an unknown reason, he's breaking off in sweat again, after all those times he had practiced his 'cool and composed' confession speech. He was actually afraid he'd blow everything up…again!

Why exactly was he supposed to tell his best friend the whole truth regarding his hidden love for him? Oh yeah… Because Sendoh has the right to know the truth…bla bla bla. It irks him that he had to do that stupidly embarrassing thing, and for what? It's not like it's gonna make Sendoh suddenly like him, and have the man dump Rukawa for him.

Not that he wanted that kind of outcome though Yeah right…

Koshino was set on believing that the only reason he's willing to go low enough as to do something as stupid as that, is because he wanted to finally let his best friend go… he only wanted himself to be known, so that he could move on without any regrets…

Right… without any regrets…

But, how come as he played what he's set out to do, in his mind, there's something tugging inside of him… Something, which isn't necessarily any thing that has something to do with regret…

---Just sadness, pain and longing…

**Should I seek him, would I find him,**

**With open arms and gay? **

**Should I hold him, would I keep him,**

**Forever in my arms to stay? **

Their first class wasn't up until two hours later, but as Koshino turned the door to their room's handle, he could already make out the gorgeous form of Sendoh, as his friend sat lazily in one of the chairs with his head held back in his two hands crossed behind him like a pillow, while his feet propped up the respective desk of the chair he was seated on. Sendoh was wearing his trusty Discman, and as he had his eyes closed the whole time, Koshino realized Sendoh must have not known he had already arrived.

He sighed, and deftly closed the door behind him. He made his way towards his best friend, and without prior warning, yanked off the headphones off the man's ears, before he made himself comfortable on the nearest chair.

Sendoh didn't stir. Koshino had to blink twice, before it came to him that Sendoh was sleeping. There was this moment of indecision on his part whether he should wake his best friend or not… Frankly the latter option suited him, but the rational part of him told him to do the RIGHT thing… (Shee-yeah right!)

"Sendoh." nudge nudge "Oi! Hey, Sendoh…" The man in question stirred, Koshino held his breathe, and waited. Nothing. Sendoh is still asleep. He sighed.

Quietly, he contemplated whether he should really wake the man. Sendoh looked really tired--- must be because he called him over not half an hour ago, to meet him at school as early as six. The man was not supposed to wake up at least until 8:30--- as usual, late for school, but what the heck?

Besides, based on the small shadows forming from under the man's eyes, he seemed to have gone to sleep late. It must have something to do with the fact that his line was busy the whole night, and as early as 2 in the morning, Koshino still hadn't gotten through his phone. No need to ask what Sendoh must have been busy about…

A pang of jealousy suddenly shot up Koshino's heart. He frowned, before unceremoniously whacking his best friend awake. Sendoh woke up with a start, before he practically fell off the floor.

"Baka! Wake up, will ya?" Koshino's mood had abruptly dropped. Baka Rukawa

Sendoh blinked once... twice, before he yawned unsophisticatedly, stretching his arms wide in the air. Rubbing his hands in his eyes, he helped himself up groggily. "Yo, Kosh! G'morning!"

Koshino just grumbled at that. Sendoh raised his eyebrow. "Bad day, huh? Woke up at the wrong side of bed?"

No answer. Koshino continued his frown. He sighed, exasperatedly. "Okay, I give up. What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

Sendoh cocked an eyebrow at that. Yawning, he moved to rub the forming mixtures in his eye. "What? What'cha asked me to go' ere for then?" he gave another yawn, and his eyes drooped slightly.

Koshino did not respond, but he obviously tensed at the question. Giving furtive glances at the closed door, he was torn into scurrying off and dumping the idea of confession out of his system, or staying and having himself humiliated, embarrassed, stuttering and more or less rejected by his best friend. What would happen to them, anyway? If he speaks now, he may be creating the biggest hole in between their friendship--- everything's going to change… What if Sendoh decided that he was uncomfortable having him for a best friend, once the truth about his secret love for him is concealed? Surely, he wouldn't do that, but still… there will be the awkwardness, and unfamiliarity… Sendoh will totally think of him differently…

And… is it even worth it? For about the nth time, he would ask himself that, and every time he does, his conviction drops to a point that he was having second thoughts of everything…

Which is precisely what he is experiencing right then and there. Inwardly, he cursed his logic and pessimist nature… It's just that, he was not the type who was comfortable talking about things like love, and sickening romance… He was more of the 'love??? Don't make me sick!' type of person.

But still… there was this big difference between a hopeful confession and a resolved admission. Confessing is one thing. Letting go is another. And if he had lost his chance in confessing how he had felt for his bestfriend for years, at least he should make forgetting Akira easier on himself, by first learning how to admit his loss…

"Aki-Sendoh…?" Koshino looked down at the suddenly interesting floor, letting long strands of his bangs shield his eyes and as much of his face as possible. He fiddled with his fingers, nervously willing himself to speak now, before he loose his guts. "Sendoh?"

The man in question gave a distinct grunt.

Koshino took that as his cue. He took a deep breath, and begun a most heart-wrenching confession… "Sendoh, I kinda… I like you, okay? I've always… You don't know just how much…" he mumbled the words, and was barely successful in uttering them, but he was sure it was loud and clear enough for Sendoh to hear.

Another distinct sound.

From looking at the well-polished floor, Koshino had the urge to look up and see what his bestfriend was thinking about from his little indistinct speech, but fearing of what he might see in the cool depths of Sendoh's blue orbs for eyes, he kept his eyes nailed to the floor.

A deafening silence filled the room. For all this time, Koshino strained his ears for something--- anything short of a reply from his bestfriend, or possibly ex-bestfriend. Sendoh must hate him now, that even replying was out of the question… Koshino bit his lips, willing for the tears forming in his eyes to evaporate and disappear.

He could understand if Sendoh suddenly becomes indifferent towards him, but they can still be friends, right? I mean, he's still Koshino, even though Sendoh's impression on him would somehow change…

Unable to stand the silence any longer, Koshino found it necessary for him to break the ice. He bit his lower lip to stop them from trembling… "Sendoh, you may not feel the same way I do, but I don't mind… I won't harass you or anything. I just hope that you and I can still be friends. I mean nothing has to change, right?" His next words were uttered from his heart. "I just… I can't lose you---" Saying as much, Koshino found the courage he had been looking for, and looked up, his eyes reflecting just how much sincere he was with was he was saying.

What met his gaze was nothing short of unexpected…

Frankly, Koshino was expecting cool blue eyes looking at him with scorn, pity, disdain, indifference, hate, or love, even… But, what greeted him was both a relief and hurtful at the same time…

Koshino looked down back at the floor, torn between laughing and crying, and practically wanting to bang his head against any hard object at his disposal…

Baka!

He didn't know if he wanted to cry or laugh at the irony of the situation. There he was, Mr. 'Love? Don't make me sick', pouring his heart out, and practically dieing in the process from fear of rejection and hate, while the man of his dreams was just right in front of him, and what? He was fucking sleeping!

FuK!

Koshino could almost bang himself against the desk of his chair, were it not for the fact that he was already hurt as it is. No use hurting himself more…

Briefly, he had to smile wryly at the irony of fate, that the moment he found the courage to finally speak up, the man he was confessing into was deep in his sleep! How fucked up could he be?

Shaking his head, Koshino decided into not waking Sendoh up again. Inwardly, he decided that maybe it was a good thing Sendoh had been asleep all throughout his tirade. Remembering just how much it had hurt when he had thought of the possibility that Sendoh may hate him enough to not want to be his friend anymore, Koshino would be damned if he doesn't care to a point of suicidal.

He suddenly realized just how much Sendoh means to him…

He'd be damned if he does anything to destroy the friendship Sendoh had been willing to offer him--- just about the only thing Sendoh was willing to give him, actually…

That was when he came to the logical conclusion that he just can't do it…

If confessing would loose him his best friend and cause more pain than what he was supposedly trying to ease away from, he'd rather keep the secret to himself, and secretly hurt at the sight of Sendoh with another guy, than completely loose the best thing that happened to his life…

A martyr… Inwardly, he scoffed. Who knew he was such a bleeding martyr?

Helping himself up and off his chair, Koshino reached out a hand to caress Sendoh's smooth, porcelain face, before swooping his head low for a quick kiss on Sendoh's cheeks. Stepping away, he gave himself one last look at the sleeping figure, before exerting a lot of effort just to turn away and leave…

The moment Koshino had gone, Sendoh shifted slightly in his sleep, his face rested on the desk of his chair, with his two hands serving as his pillow. His head was tilted slightly, and as he shifted, he unconsciously raised a hand to touch a tingling spot in his cheeks, his lips forming into a small smile, mumbling words that sounded strangely like… "Hiro-kun…"

TBC 

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry if I cut this off. The fic was getting to be rather long. Please enjoy it anyway, and please don't forget to review.

Fic inspired by Ms. Shinri Ayase-chan's review, and dedicated to her. Thanks for your review.

This is also for Karin-chan. Thanks for beta-reading this, and thanks for the comments.

For the reviewers, thank you. And you're totally right on one thing: Koshino is soooooo cute!!!11

Please review!


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